Desperately seeking something

25/10/07
25/10/07 by about five minutes which invariably means I'm drunk. I also have the remains of a beer around here somewhere.

But that's not what I want to write about. What I really want to write about is something I've been putting off for a while - I just finally have to accept is true. I'm an attention seeker.

You've almost certainly noticed. It's not like it's something you can hide. Now I can justify it in many ways. Well, one really, but that's not really good enough. I don't thing I should be an attention seeker. I don't want to be one.

Actually I don't really care. It's just what I do. I spent the night singing karaoke and being filmed whilst doing it. I played to the camera - badly. But I still played to the camera.

A good friend of mine - hey Kelly - once said that you can't get over a bad childhood any more than you can get over a good childhood. I had a good childhood - and it's probably something I should spend a couple of entries on - but it still defines me on too many levels. In some ways I'm not sure if I've grown beyond it.

I'm the youngest of four. I'm much more than that, but ultimately it always comes back to that. I can't help it.

Ask any elder child and they will tell you that they had it harder than their younger siblings, and their right. But the younger siblings also had it hard. It's in a completely different way, but it is still hard.

We never get over our childhood, but this requires too much time and space to fully explore. It's also too late and I'm too drunk. But it's important. So that's what I'll talk about next.

All that's really important now is that I'm an attention seeker, and of the four of us I'm the only one who's single.